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Monday, October 17, 2011

Autumn Makes Me Homesick!

Isn't it strange how what you think of as "home" can be a place you lived for less than half of your life? What is that? Nostalgia? We've all heard the saying "you can't go home again" but I don't really believe that's true in my case. No, it's not because I think I am somehow "special" or exempt - it's because I don't think I am homesick in the classic sense. I realize the people of my childhood are all gone. Mom and Dad aren't back there as suspended-in-time versions of themselves. I have no delusions that going "home" would somehow transport me back to an earlier time where my problems magically disappear into a childlike haze. And I'm not even sure I'd want it if there were an "app for that" or an Easy Button.

I miss the small things. The smell of real grass. I even miss the smell of real dirt! I miss the smell of the forest even though I'm pretty sure that's the smell of rotting leaves on the under-forest. In the spring, I miss the green on the trees and the dew on the grass. I miss the "crispness" of fall and the sight of all of the trees changing colors. I miss the seasonal changes. And all of that stuff is STILL THERE. While part of it may be nostalgia for an earlier, simpler-in-my-mind time, most of it is just a longing for nature that isn't devoid of those things I mentioned. I used to love being outside and being active. Walks in the woods, bike rides in the cool air, picnics on the grass, skipping rocks on a lake, long walks for no reason. Sometimes, I can close my eyes and just smell it. Feel it. But it's fleeting. Too fleeting. And often it's interrupted by a random snake in my house or 3 inch long flying palmetto bug, or any other combination of fire ants, mosquitoes on steroids, sand burrs or scorpions.

Zip-lining in Skagway, Alaska. July there was like
November on the East Coast

Pretending to be a leprechaun on the grounds of Blarney Castle, Ireland
September - you could actually smell the dirt, the trees and the
freshly mown grass!
Central Park, NYC. September - it smelled like Fall.

Yes, I was loving the grass! And yes, I got chiggers. Ugh.

So what I miss is not really "home" per se, since I never lived in Skagway, or NYC, or Ireland...I just miss a place where going outside is a pleasurable experience.

Preparations are underway, but painfully slow, to move closer to a place like "home." I'm just not a beach girl. I'd take dreary and rainy over hot and sunny any day. I'm a fish out of water. And it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

So for now, I'll just enjoy these photos, courtesy of and dream.

If anyone has photos of autumn they'd like to share, feel free to post a link in the comments section.

Happy Autumn everyone!


  1. Autumn always made me homesick too. There is something wonder-ful about the season that is unmatched by any other feeling. You can have a "nice day" and it's beautiful and sunny and breezy and maybe a little cool, but without that distinctive Autumn feel, smell,'s just a day.

  2. Autumn is the time of year when I miss living in Maine the most. It's a pretty neat place to live (for me, anyway) year round, but autumn is by far the best. These photos make me homesick!

  3. But Nicole, you're in a great place! I'd take Maine or NC any day over South Texas. Soon, maybe... *sigh*

  4. I actually teared up reading this. I have often wondered if you can miss something you never had, and have come to the conclusion that you most definitely can. I would give anything to live in a place with seasons, I got really close once but now I am stuck here for who knows how long. :-( I definitely understand you're feelings.


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