Happy I had such a wonderful, selfless, loving woman as a mother.
Happy she was Gracie Allen funny. She never tried to be funny and never fully understood what she'd said or done to have everyone in stitches. She was one of those people who took EVERYTHING literally. If you said "man, those jalepenos I had for dinner last night set my butt on fire" I firmly believe she actually pictured fire coming out of your bum. She wasn't blonde, but she was one of those people who would start laughing at something she'd heard days before and just "got" - even if it was in the middle of a church service when she "got" it.
She would get tongue-tied and order "three pall smepsies" instead of three small Pepsies at Burger Queen. The best one was actually at a PREACHER'S house when she and the preacher's wife were discussing kids and security blankets and pacifiers and Mama meant to say thumb suckers but what came out was slum f*ckers. Mort.I.Fied.
She grew up in Kentucky. Not the Louisville/Diane Sawyer Kentucky, though. She grew up in a little town that was probably 50 years behind the rest of the world. She had an outhouse and kerosene lamps. And crazy aunts who taught her the most colorful way of speaking. For instance, it's pouring outside right now (and Murphy's right under my feet because he's a big ol' wussy baby) and it's loud. She would have said "It sounds like a cow peeing off a 50 foot bluff onto a flat rock." Others that come to mind are:
So hungry, my stomach's coming up to see if my throat's been cut.
So poor they had to get a tin bill and pick sh*t with the chickens.
So poor they didn't have a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of.
That (tea or coffee or alcohol) is stronger than horse p*ss with the foam farted off.
And if something was really disgusting, it "would puke a buzzard off a gut wagon."
There are SO many others that I actually find myself using now and then. I just smile and think about Mama.
That Jimmy Dean song they play on Mother's Day? The one that says "she didn't really like apple pie that well anyway" when there wasn't enough to go around? That's my Mama. When we were lucky enough to have pork chops, which wasn't often when I was growing up, the package was always one short. And she'd always say that she didn't really like pork chops anyway. I didn't find out until years later that she loved them.
There are so many stories I could tell that demonstrate what a wonderful, unassuming, selfless and loving person she was, but you'll just have to take my word for it. She deserved everything and had basically nothing her entire life. But in my mind, I can see the scenario I think played out when she got to Heaven.
God asked Mother Teresa to get up and let Mama have that chair next to Him and Mama said "No, that's okay - I'll just stand over here out of the way."
Because that's just the kind of person she was.
As for the Super Bowl - XIIVLIIIXVIIL whatever number it is...Mama would have watched it because everyone else wanted to see it. And I can just hear her asking "did he make a home run?"
Since Green Bay crapped out, I guess I'll be rooting for the Patriots.
|Pure Ice Super Star (white) French Kiss (blue) and Siren (red)|
Oh yeah...I have my mother's hands. Maybe that's why I do my nails so often. They look just like hers did and it reminds me of her. ♥
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