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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Big Girl Panties

Don't you just hate being around a negative person all the time? Seriously, they tend to suck the life out of everything. I've found that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for it and as a result, there are fewer people with whom I choose to spend my time.

It's not easy. I mean you WANT to be a good friend and if someone's just going through a rough time, you want to stick by them and help them through it. If it's someone who's been in your life for a long time, you generally know whether that's just their basic personality or if it's just a rough patch.  But what if you're not sure?

I'm one of those people who want the kind of friendships that are honest. I want someone to tell me if I have spinach in my teeth. (For those of you who know me personally, you understand that's just an expression.  Like I would have actual spinach in my teeth - LOL!  Not bloody likely.)  Or toilet paper hanging out of the back of my dress -which IS entirely possible. And I am that same kind of friend. If you can't handle me telling you the truth about things, then I'm not for you. Will I do it in a loving way? Absolutely. I've got a LOT of faults, but I always try to be kind and loving, even if the message might hurt a little.

So there's this one person in my life right now who's driving me nuts.  She's a great person and I know her to be a generally positive, upbeat person. Almost a Pollyanna sometimes, which can also be irritating, don't think it can't. She has her faults, but don't we all? I've known her longer than I've known anyone else and she's been through some really rough times. She's lost nearly everyone in her life and yet she's always tried to stay positive.

But lately...

Lately, she just seems to be negative all the time. She doesn't feel well. When stuff hurts, I guess it can be harder to cope. Pain does things to people. She seems to have a headache constantly. It's always something. Her shoulder hurts. Her head hurts. Her knee hurts. It's too hot. She isn't sleeping well. She's tired all the time. Her sleep schedule is completely backwards. Her neck hurts, which causes another headache. She has fibromyalgia. She's irritable. She isn't exercising at all because it's "too hot." And the less she does, the worse she feels.

I think she doesn't even realize how bad things have gotten. So does a real friend tell her? Is a little tough love in order? "Get out and exercise a little, for crying out loud! You'll never feel any better if you don't DO something and get that blood circulating!" Or does a real friend just keep her mouth shut and sympathize and hope things get better on their own?

I know her really well and I KNOW she hates negativity as much as I do. She generally just deals with things. Handles them and moves on. There will be the occasional, usually brief, pity party - crying and screaming and gnashing of teeth - then she sucks it up and moves on.

So I did it. I told her. And she wasn't happy to hear it. In fact, it made her cry. Her feelings were really hurt. I dug out those Big Girl Panties from the back of the closet and tossed them in her face. She's probably one of the more stubborn people on the planet, so subtlety wasn't really an option.

Did I do the right thing? I think so, because when I put that mirror down and quit talking to myself, I did feel a lot better.

Sometimes you just have to give yourself a good talking to. I didn't really like what I had to tell myself, but I needed to hear it.

I still feel like crap. And I still have a headache. But the way I've been lately, I didn't even want to be around myself. How could I expect that anyone else would want to be around me?

These Big Girl Panties are chapping my behind a little, but if I don't wear them, I'll never get used to them.


  1. I am afraid that your friend has depression. Quite a hard thing to deal with.

  2. No, that person (my "friend") is ME!

  3. I thought you were talking about me there for a second. LOL We all go through times like this, I am going through one now. I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

  4. The fact that it's you doesn't mean it can't be depression. I hope as I continue to catch up (I always start blogs from the beginning, I'm just weird that way), that everything works out, but between the pain of FM, the heat, the move still waiting to be made (I think, you've not mentioned it being done), not being able to paint, etc, I don't think it's unreasonable that you might be a little depressed. By all means, tighten up the elastic in your BGPs and forge on, but be as nice to yourself as you can. You deserve it.


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