Yes, yes, I know..."it's better than the alternative." Well DUH. But that doesn't mean I can't be freaking out over it. It's my right as a woman. (Harrumpfff!)
Thing is, I never thought I would be one of "those" women. I was always the one telling mom NOT to wash that grey right out of her hair. But I guess I am not as bad as some. Things like the crows feet, for instance. They don't bother me so badly. I feel like I earned them, you know? The deep crease in the middle of my forehead is a bit worrisome. What bother me the worst are the parentheses around my mouth. And the sagginess at the bottom of my cheeks. (BOTH sets. Ugh.) And love handles. And the fact that I feel even older than 45.
I know there are "stages" we go through. Right now I am smack in the middle of the "but what have I accomplished so far?" stage. It's brutal. BRUTAL, I tell ya!
Then there's the "I hate birthdays" aspect. When I was a kid, we didn't have much - and that included birthday parties, cakes, presents, etc. So I always felt a little let down. You know how self-centered little children can be before the self-aware stage hits 'em. Then I married a man to whom birthdays were just another day. And the current man in my life is about the same way. So more than likely, it will be "just another day" yet again. It's getting more okay as each year passes, though, I have to say. But I still have this little thought in the back of my head that I will get a huge surprise one of these birthdays. LOL! Always the dreamer. Although he has "surprised" (meaning after I planned it) me a couple of times over the years. *I heart him*
Part of the problem is that I want so freaking much! And. I. Need. Absolutely. Nothing.
What I NEED is for the day to be recognized with a card and possibly a nice dinner out. What I WANT, well the list is long. Most of it isn't stuff. ("The best things in life aren't things." Art Buchwald) But the "stuff" is fun to think about...
La Mer Moisturizing Creme
Hermes GC/Store Credit
A trip together somewhere FAB
That gorgeous purple and green St. John's sweater dress/shift I saw at Nordies
Take me dancing
A one-time maid service to put the shine on my house
To MOVE already
A new Patek Philippe watch
and last, but NOT least...DIAMONDS, Bay-Bee
Yeah, it's fun to dream!